I turned 34 earlier this month. As I enter this next stage of mid-adulthood it feels very fitting to reflect & share this piece. From my heart, to yours.
When it comes to walking the path of life, I don’t think we can get very far without opening to our hearts. I’m cautiously aware that talking about “opening your heart” can sound quite abstract and cliche, but an open heart really is foundational to living a life of flow, meaning, and love.
You can have tremendous success in business or in your career, even lead a nation or be born a Kardashian, get married and have lovely kids - but if you cannot access your heart, there will inevitably emerge some kind of emptiness. Without our hearts, there is a disconnect from our deepest self, the people most important to us, and from the warm energy of life.
If you think about the most loving people you’ve encountered, or about those tougher moments when it felt like your heart has been broken open, you know exactly what I mean. The heart has its own language, its own wisdom.
Some of the most tender experiences I’ve had in life were marked by a painful closing, such as the grief at a loved one’s passing, or an important relationship ending. But on the other side of this transition, there was always something new, something more resonant.
There is a different understanding when the heart opens. All at once, it becomes so clear. Our world moves with the frequency of the heart - the frequency of love, compassion, and grace.
An open heart is the ultimate opening.
When the heart “closes”
What do we refer to when we speak of a heart that is “closed”? Well, when your heart has been tremendously hurtly or repeatedly ignored and not listened to, it will begin to “close” by layering itself with a protective energetic barrier. It is almost like the heart’s frequency is too precious to be shunned or unmet.
Once the heart has closed, it cannot be commanded open or forced. It can only be welcomed, witnessed, invited. The heart knows when it is safe to love and it cannot be convinced or manipulated otherwise.
The spiritual writer Jeff Foster shares more on the heart’s mysterious workings in this gentle passage1:
It’s my personal belief and experience that the heart never truly 100% closes, it merely armors itself in protection. Indeed there are instances when someone has so many barriers and defenses that we cannot “feel” a person at all. In that case we may not trust the person or want to get close - but that is not the full picture of who they are.
We arrive on Earth with an open heart, it is our original state. As newborns, our hearts are gracious, living, infinite. A baby’s heart beams out into the world, ready to give and receive love.
And then, as we grow older, something happens. Life….happens. We get hurt, we hurt others. We harden. It becomes too painful to feel, so we go numb. We get busy. So busy.
Devastatingly, we are too busy for our hearts. And just like that, our heart closes into itself.
But your heart is always there for you. As you make space for your heart, you can regain its trust and will begin to open again.
The bravery of opening
A few years ago a friend reached out to me, sharing that she has been hitting into feelings of emptiness. She had achieved everything professionally, but kept hitting into walls in her personal and romantic life. She was getting feedback that men couldn’t “feel her.” I gently posed the question to her of whether she could feel herself.
It can be painful to realize our heart is closed, but that awareness is just what we need to open. From here, we begin.
Opening to your heart is subtle work, careful work, invisible work. It is also immensely rewarding. Coming back to your heart is, as Marianne Williamson so rightfully stated, A Return to Love, a coming home.
The practical - How to open your heart
So, how can we work with our heart when it feels closed?
Make a genuine intention to open space for your heart. Take a little time to sit with yourself and bring care to your heart, let it know that you are here. See what emerges and try to stay curious. You may encounter some resistance, or even a need to apologize to your heart for the times you haven’t been there. This is totally normal. Just keep coming back to your genuine intention, and continue giving your heart your presence and attention.
Spend time amongst heart-opening company, spaces, and activities. Spending time with others can be one of the most helpful catalysts for opening the heart. We’re not meant to do it alone. Time in nature, with beloved friends and family, reading spiritual texts, creating or listening to soulful music. Anything that brings you closer to your own heart or allows you to rest in the company of the open-hearted. Heart coherence or metta loving-kindness meditations2 can also be supportive.
Make space for your heart in the business of everyday life. Actively bring attention to your heart throughout the day, breathing in and out of your heart as you conduct your activities. When you complete something, take a minute to breathe into your heart and receive your progress.3
Pay attention to your life. Life will keep presenting us with circumstances and opportunities to open. Notice the people, situations, and challenges in your everyday. Where can you bring more heart, understanding, and softness?
Be gentle with yourself and get support. Behind the feeling of closing there may be a lot of feeling and old emotion. A lot can come up! Patience and care are needed. Try to give yourself the same grace as you would to someone else you love. It can also be helpful to get outside support from a trusted therapist or other somatic practitioner.
There are other suggestions, but I’m intentionally keeping it simple. If all you did was breathe in and out of your heart for a few seconds each morning to let your heart you are here, it is enough. Your heart has an opening.
I wish you so much love on this journey.
The world needs your heart
A quick final note - a main reason I took the time to gather my thoughts on this topic is as a broader invitation.
If the world’s happenings of the last few years have taught us anything, it is that the world needs our hearts. Devotion of the heart is not only for those on a formal spiritual path. The heart is our deepest medicine.
We need brave folks who have values of integrity and compassion and bring their whole hearts to their families and work, in every sector and level of society. We need leaders in government, business, and science/technology who lead from their entire beings, and operate from a balanced center of logical mind and heart. I know it’s possible, and it’s already happening.
Thank you for reading!
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This passage was shared with me by a spirit friend a few years ago, a real transmission of the heart.
Some suggested introductory meditations, available for free on the Insight Timer app:
With gratitude to movement teacher Natasha Stern for this wisdom practice.